I appologize for the length of this page. But in order to better understand me, I feel that everything I have included is only necessary. True, you may know me, and know things of my past, but none of what you know explains any of my beliefs, theories or principles of life. To you, it may be a meer story. But to me, it is a truth of a young man's journy in life. The lessons he has learned, and the lessons he has yet to learn. It is..... who I am! And, for the courage and inspiration to write this, I would like to thank one very special individual. They shall be named in the end! With all my heart, I will always remember you. We will always be bound, in some way - for you have a very special place in my heart!

I was born in South Bend, Indiana, on December 19th, 1978. My full name is Kristoffer Scott Aldrich. I have one twin sister, Jessica, whom I love dearly. Although I was born in South Bend, I have lived in Michigan my whole life. I should be used to this weather, BUT I'M NOT! I attended Lutheran schools all the way through grade school. That was quite a trip, though I was really into religion for quite a while. But more on this later. As far as my life in grade school, I didn't have many friends. Not too many people took a liking to me. I got along with SOME of the girls better than anyone. I don't know why. Maybe everyone saw that I was different and it scared them. I never saw myself as any different from the rest of the children. And back then, I don't think anyone should have been noticing, or caring, about differances that much. I was definitely unique amongst that rather square, close minded group of kids. But that was the way I liked it. I prefer to think that the companionship I would later seek in life was neither necessary at that age, nor desired of any of those children.

Through grade school, I was in Soccer and Basketball, and, though I wasn't bad at either, I was far from popular with the 'jocks'. That's fine, they didn't make very interesting friends, anyway. I much preferred the musical, mathematical geeks back then. Maybe because I was smart and intelligent, and this intimidated the 'jocks'. They would consistently tease me about being "gay". They were relentless on that. They never, not once, teased me about anything else. It took me 5 years to be able to let it all go in one ear, and out the other. You see, once everyone saw that what they had to say didn't bother me, they decided it wasn't fun anymore, so they stopped. That was one of the earliest lessons I can recall of self-respect, self-confidence. But it was a lesson I was glad I learned so early in life. It has helped sculpt me into the mentally powerful being I am today. Although, it has been as damaging as it has helpful.

Once I got into high school, my life changed....A LOT! I started meeting more people. There were a lot more kids to choose my friends from, unlike the private schools I had previously attended. I was very much into band in high school. I played sousaphone for marching season and French Horn for concert. My senior year I was Field Commander. I was also very much into the drama department. I was stage crew for Bye Bye Birdie, the Kralahome in The King and I, Lieutenant Joseph Cable in South Pacific, Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls, and the voice of Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors. I also participated in several conference Fine Arts performances in drama and band. I played football, soccer, wrestled and ran track. Again, nothing unusual. I was very much normal by most community standards. I was an intelligent jock. Though there were few of us, we did exist. What made me truly different.... I had discovered myself. I was not a confused individual as the other 450 students in high school were. I knew who I was. Unfortunately, high school was neither the time nor place to figure this out. At least not for me, not then. -- I was a member of the National Honors Society. I also took 10th of 2500 in the state of Michigan in a business math competition as a member of Business Professions of America. That was one of my greatest achievement in high school.

Now to the life changing part of my high school career. I accepted my own homosexuality and came out. It was time to start dealing with who I was. I had gone through a phase where I thought that I could be like everyone else...my freshman year. But then I realized, I wasn't REALLY any different. Just like some students liked math, and others did not, I like guys. It was a meer preference. -- I came out my sophomore year without any problems. It took a couple of weeks for everyone to adjust. But I was still a member of sporting teams with no issues. I was just frustrated that I had no other friends in high school to really identify with. Was I really the only one? No. I couldn't be. But I was the only one that didn't care if everyone else knew. Like Vanyel in Magic's Pawn, I had learned to put up a barrier. A barrier that no words, or gazes, or even 'sticks and stones' could break through. Not even physical beatings could bring it down. A barrier so powerful, not even my own fathers death could make me cry.

My 8th grade year, I awoke one morning to the commotion in my parents bedroom. My mother had just gotten out of the shower like she had every morning before work. My dad would continue to sleep until my sister and I had to get ready for school. When my mother would get up early, my father would shut off the alarm when it went off. This particular morning, he did not. It was not unusual that he didn't hear it at first. But that he wouldn't even respond to his own name...... when you looked at him, he had a faint blue hue to his skin...... when you went to shake him awake, he was cold, and his body creeked. That was not normal. My father was 46 when he passed away. Jess and I, only 13. And I didn't cry for two weeks. Not real tears. Not tears of pain as my heart had been removed through the narrow gap between my ribs. I had to be strong for my family. At least that was my excuse.

This was an example of a lesson over-learned. Or was it the combination of a lesson not yet learned, and untamed energies? I used my ability to deflect pain of any kind, by placing my barriers at full strenth, to keep even the necessary pains of life away. Things I NEEDED to feel to be able to grow and learn I was not allowing myself to feel. No one had ever left me like this before. I didn't want to deal with it, so I put the barrier up and didn't. That way, I couldn't deal with it, even if I wanted. But my ability to raise and lower these barriers was so untamed that, they were either up or down. I didn't have enough control to partially raise and lower them. And for fear of what I would have to deal with, and what I would feel, I refused to lower them at all. I was bitter. I showed no feeling or intrest in world matters, family issues, or even other Beings.

College braught new hope, and temporary joy to my life. I got so wrapped up in life, in the fun I was having, that I had taken my barriers down completely and had forgotten about what I was leaving undealt with. I enjoyed, most of all, being a member of the Purdue University All-American Marching Band. I spent a lot of time with the band, and in various activities with other band-mates. This kept my mind off my fathers death. Between studies, band and the fraturnity, I didn't have time to worry about the life I left back home. Until the time of year when my father died. I don't think there was enough theropy in the state of Indiana to save me. I broke down. The barriers went back up, even stronger than before. I wouldn't eat but maybe once a day. I didn't go to class. All I did was sleep. I didn't find any joy in band anymore. Computers, I hated them. They all gave me a headache. But through 'theropy' and training, I was able to gain minimal control over my feelings and the barriers. Enough that I could gradually release myself into a world where there was so much I had never felt. As a freshman in college, I would begin to date, and start to get a taste of love, though I would not experience true love for a very long time to come. But I began to experience certain emotions I had never experienced before. And others that I had not felt in a long, long time. 7 years to be exact.

Though my studies at Purdue did not work out, I went on to Ferris State for a year. That was a pretty plain and boring year of my life. No major discoveries or new events happened. I met a few friends who are still near and dear to my heart, but no major lessons were learned. I was much the happy boy as I was still learning to perfect the control of my feelings and emotions. Though there was one event that would lead me to more of lifes harsh lessons. Lessons that would show, once and for all, if I had mastered control over that which had made me so unpleasant for so many years.

While at Ferris State University, I met someone. I should say, he found me online. He responded to an ad I had online and we started chatting. After several months of talking, we finally decided to meet. Things went well. We really liked eachother and we continued to see eachother. To make a long story short, I dropped out of school and moved to Grand Rapids to be with him. We were happy. 'Were' being the operative word. We worked hard for everything we had, at first. Then it became 'I' worked hard for everything 'HE' had. I lost everything I had worked so hard for over the past 2.5 years. I lost it all in 6 months. But those were meer physical posessions. I had, after all, learned how to control my mental abilities. Not even these happenings could pull me down for long. I was able to put up the barriers enough to block out the feelings of hatred and bitterness. But I didn't block my own sense of reason, either. I knew what had to be done, and I did it. I worked hard to pull myself out of that uncontrolable dive of life. I remained friendly and very positive in life. Those few years in Grand Rapids were definitely a set of lessons in life and love.

Back in December I met an extraordinary individual. Someone who has given me a new hope in love. I can't say life, because I have never lost hope in life. Though life doesn't seem so grim anymore. But love, he has given me a new outlook. This individual means more to me than he could possibly imagine. Even if it is to be no more than just friends, we will always have a bond, for he will always, always have a special place in my heart. And though these writings have given the general reader a better idea of who I am, I hope he can see the deeper readings. Things that will, someday, make our bond a 'life bond'. He has taught me much in the few short months we've been together. But he has a lifetime's more knowledge that I am eager to learn. So, please......

CLICK HERE to meet this special man!